The Heartbreaker

I had written this post a while ago and never published it. I thought it was worth putting out there.....

I love my job, I love being a nanny. But the one thing that is so hard about my job is that eventually it ends. I find it impossible to do my job well and not really love the kids I nanny for. So it is when the time comes that I am no longer needed, whether it is that the kids have outgrown me or other circumstances, I find it a bit heartbreaking. I went to visit one of the families I used to work for tonight, and as long as it has been I still really love the family. The kids are growing and I can't help but wonder how long I will remain in their memory. particularly the youngest, who I spent the most time with. I love this girl, I spent years playing with her, going on adventures and just spending time with her. My question is this...is what I gave to her of lasting effect? Will she remember me when she grows? But then again does it matter? I don't do what I do for recognition. I do it because I think that kids are amazing. I love being a part of their lives and their learning even if I may not be part of their future.

Single is not a disease

So I'm 29, not saying I'm old, but old enough to consider the possibility that I may be single for a time to come if not the rest of my life. Now single would not be my first choice, however the idea does not send me into a debilitating coma (I've noticed it does this to most girls.) I find it frustrating though whenever I voice this possibility to others the response is immediately "Oh, I'm sure you are going to get married." As if the hope of getting married is all that will keep me going on this journey of life alone. As if I must have hope or I can't go on! For once I would like someone to say, "If so, that is OK." For someone to say that it is a noble calling to be single, and that you can be of more available use to the Kingdom of God single. Like the Apostle Paul said. Often I look at the people I'm close to who are married and let me tell you, my life is much simpler. And often times seeing them makes me a bit thankful for my singleness. Now each one of them would swear up and down the it is well worth the hassle to enjoy the wonders of marriage. And I don't doubt its wonderful, but my life's not so bad.

...sometimes....

Sometimes its nice to be alone, sometimes its not. More to come on that topic.....

Deck The Halls

So Thanksgiving is over and now its off on the mad dash to Christmas. In years passed I've balked at the materialist, humanistic commercialism that has become Christmas. But this year I thought I would give in a little and try to enjoy the "season." However its not even December and for the first time ever I have either bought or planned almost every person on my list. Am I any less stressed now that I have a head start? NO! I'm already in full swing of something I usually save for those last couple of weeks before Christmas and I feel anxious about the outcome. To be honest I wish we could just ditch the holiday all together and start over. Lets just call it what it is "Retailmas" and start over. It seems the celebration of the advent of Christ has become overshadowed by our culture and the whole idea of gift giving. This Christmas I want to get past the gift giving, the "season" and find something more simple, more profound. Emanuel, God with us, The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. What a glorious thing! The advent of Christ, the Hope of the world!

What I need...

What I need is...
1. Time to get more sleep
2. Time to just enjoy the moment
3. Time to spend outside
4. Time for friends
MORE TIME!!!!

....or maybe less to do.....

A response

Crying eyes, void of tears.
Desperate cries, no one hears.
A sea of displaced children
Roaming naked in the sand.

Did God grow tired and look away?
Will their sighs be heard today?
Father to the fatherless
Will you guide these children home?

Look and see.
Say a prayer.
Act and be the answer.
We are called to go and tell and love.

Whatsoever things are true

I just finished watching a documentary, 'God grew tired of us.' I want to call it good, but it wasn't...I cried a solid 10min at the beginning. I want to call it terrible, but it was true. It was the story of the lost boys of Sudan. It was heart wrenching, just another horrible thing that men do to others in the name of power, money and religion. In the beginning of the movie the show pictures of these boys as they walked from Sudan to Ethiopia... little boys, some just babies, 27,000 of them. Hunted, starving, scared and alone.
What must the heart of out heavenly father feel as He sees these things? If I being a self-centered person am moved and grieved, how much more is the loving creator? I think about how the Bible says that because man loved his sin, God gave him over to his own depravity. I also think of a popular thought in our society that says; mankind at its core is good, and if given the right conditions that goodness will come out. I think this is an idea that can only incubate in a society like ours, where we live in a comfortable prosperity...I think if you ask anyone who is victim to the many horrible things that have taken place in our lifetime they would tell you different.
When I see this kind of brutality, I see so clearly what the Bible is saying....and then I thank God for hope, for Jesus Christ. That we don't have to be subject to that depravity. I thank Him that this world isn't all that there is and that there will be a day when death, sorrow and sin will be done away with.